Documenting My Failed Real Life Ratatouille Project

Let me start this by saying the last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Keeping this secret project from leaving my brain has been truly challenging, but the time has finally come for me to reveal what I have been working on. You see, at the beginning of quarantine I made a vow to use this time to become weirder. While I didn’t know exactly what that meant, after much thought and consideration, I realized what weird project I wanted to pursue with extra time spent in my home. I decided to try and recreate the Disney film Ratatoiulle in my own kitchen with a rat I found.


Here are some choice excerpts from the daily journal I kept while conducting the experiment.


March 25th. Got my rat today, I think I’ll name him Charlie. He doesn’t like to sit on my head, especially if I try to cover him with my chefs hat. I blame myself for attempting that so soon. We need to establish trust first before attempting more.


March 28th. Charlie and I are starting to bond. He likes to sleep in my hoodie pocket and sometimes will sit on my head for a few seconds. I lied to myself. I’ve been trying every day.


April 2nd. It seems that Charlie needs more rat on rat contact, but I’m not sure how to go about that normally, much less in a pandemic. Is this what Craigslist is for?


April 5th. OK. Big news. I was able to cook an entire meal with him on my head. I wasn’t able to get the hat on and the meal was instant ramen, but still, progress!


April 11th. I’m not sure what’s gotten into Charlie, but he has been distant all week. I even gave him some new pellets and a couple of grasshoppers to eat, but he didn’t even care. Am I an irresponsible person for adopting a pet I don’t know how to take care of? Oh god, what am I even doing?


April 12. I’m feeling better now, I had to get that out of my system. Sorry. Also I think Charlie is coming around finally. He’s my pride and joy. Even if the Ratatouille thing doesn’t work, Charlie and I are gonna have a long life together.


April 18th. I think the experiment is over. I gave Charlie a taste of my Ratatouille that I tried to cook with him on my head, but he rejected it violently. It was pretty rude and the few days after were incredibly awkward between us. I also haven’t seen another human in weeks, so that’s not helping.


April 25th. Charlie is just a regular rat boy now and I feel accomplished in my experiment, which is all that counts in the end anyway.


Worth it? Absolutely. Plus, free rat.

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