Why Mark Zuckerberg Has His Eyes Set on North Dakota

When you become a billionaire, normal parts of your brain start to fall away and new, horrifying parts of your brain begin to form. Only billionaires know about these horrifying brain growths and only billionaires choose to hide this information, not because they don’t know about it, but because they want to continue feeding it. This abnormality does lots of things, like nurse an obsession with yachts and force you to try and ‘solve racism’ but end up making it worse. But by far the most egregious thing this growth does is make these billionaires want to buy states. In today’s article, we’re looking at why Mark Zuckerberg has become obsessed with North Dakota.


Why? Well, that’s a damn good question. One we’ve been trying to answer for months, so we’ll have to go back to the beginning to make sure you understand the full story.


It all started back in September of last year when we uncovered documents from Facebook that indicated that Zuckerberg was using the company to buy up large swaths of the state. claiming it is for server farms. However, further internal documents reveal that no construction has been planned for these sites and it appears nothing is planned either. What could they be up to? This was the question we sought to answer.


After some more digging, we discovered that this isn’t an isolated incident. Apparently, Zuckerberg has been using shell companies to buy up North Dakota real estate since before he even was a billionaire. So far, only a handful of journalists have asked him about this, which to us seems like a gross case of under-reporting.


One of the reporters that did actually look into it, Dale Merchant, only published partial reports before disappearing mysteriously earlier this year. Some believe he was detained by a secret government agency, others think he might have moved to North Dakota to go undercover. Regardless of what you think, he left a trail right to Zuckerberg. He had copies of the deeds to the properties, land right suits, and more before he went missing.


We don’t have the manpower on the ground in North Dakota to follow up on this story, so we can only guess what they might be up to. So guess we shall. Personally, I think that he’s collecting land for when he finally snaps and starts hiring private mercenaries. Gotta have some land to defend, right?


So whether you want to send us your guesses as to what Zuckerberg is up to or volunteer to cover the story in ND, please send us your ideas or contact information.

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