Paramount Pictures Announces Gritty Willy Wonka Reboot Directed by David Fincher

(Hollywood, CA) With states reopening and the future looking nothing but optimistic, Paramount Pictures along with a slew of other Hollywood studios have begun to announce new films they are planning to release as soon as they possibly can. While production had to be halted for 2 long months, the gears that grind wannabe actors into the ground must continue to spin and soon we will have the opportunity to catch a deadly virus at a movie theater watching them. Of all the movies announced this week, our favorite and most anticipated is the gritty Willy Wonka reboot directed by David Fincher. We were lucky enough to catch up with the director to find out more.

Before we could even ask a single question, Fincher launched into it, clearly itching at the bit to tell us everything he was contractually allowed to share. “I’m thinking greens for the colors, lots of forest colors, you know? I always start my movies by choosing a palette and while I think that Tim really went for it with the blues, I think that green is the right choice for Mr. Wonka.”

We should mention that we didn’t call David Fincher on the phone or even schedule an interview, he just barged into our offices wearing a mask and oven gloves, screaming about the color palette. Thankfully, we were already recording audio because we were starting a podcast (don’t tell anyone), so we were able to move directly into the interview like the professional journalists we are.

“I’m imagining a lot darker death scenes and no comedic relief whatsoever. Oompa Loompas were the first thing I threw out, too overdone. No, it’s far more gritty and horrifying if this man lives alone in his chocolate factory. But here’s the thing, he sees it like it is in the original movie, Oompa Loompas and all, it’s the guests who will see it for what it truly is, which is a decrepit, wasting industrial age factory with stick walls covered in a mixture of blood and confection sugar.”

We told him it seemed like he had really thought this out and he told us that he we should be quiet to not interrupt his creative process, so really a fun interaction overall. He only said a few things more before stumbling out the door, but the audio was covered by the sound of him trying to find a stud in our wall, so we couldn’t remember exactly what he said. Something about a brutal scene he was thinking about later in the movie for the Charlie character.

Oh right, that was it. He told us “No one is gonna make it. What kind of movie do you think I am making? No, no one is going to live, not even Charlie and his grandpa. They’re toast. Don’t go see my movie if you want something different to happen.”

Well, there you go. Personally, I gotta see how this goes, but we still have to wait until next Summer for more.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s