Opinion: Jeff Bezos Thinks You’re Stupid

You heard it here first folks, because you definitely won’t hear it from him, but yes, Jeff Bezos thinks you are stupid. We were able to learn this through various sources and informants deep within the Amazon, but the truth is that we all knew this already. I mean, if any of us were smart, would we really allow him to continue living this way? He takes and takes and takes and when he is done taking, he is going to fly away into the sun and sip cosmos with Grimes and Elon, hoping to find an alien civilization to colonize. And all because we were too stupid to stop him.


So here is what we are suggesting. Why don’t we prove to Bezos that we aren’t stupid, that we know what he is up to, and remind him that he is nothing but a fickle human, same as us? If you’re on board, keep reading. Otherwise enjoy licking your boots, I hear they are great this time of year.


First, we need to take his money. How do we do this? Well, we’ve created a helpful guide to a new initiative we are calling ‘taxes’ that you can read all about here: https://www.irs.gov/.


Second, we need to destroy his power, which is currently mainly held in the form of Amazon shares and board seats. While we obviously don’t have the money to buy him out because no one does, we can devalue his shares enough to force him out as CEO. And all the while, we will have broken into his secret West Texas lair to dismantle any chance of him escaping off-planet. Once he is brought back down to Earth, then we can get to the real world.


Third, and this is the fun part, we can take that power and give it back to the people who created in the first place, because it definitely wasn’t him. Bezos has made his entire fortune, nay, empire, off the backs of schmucks like us. It already belongs to us, we just have to take it.


We redistribute his wealth, we redistribute his power, and when the time comes, we redistribute him. That’s the plan of action. That’s how we prove we are more than just a bunch of dummies.


When we reached out to Bezos for a comment, we were surprised to realize he is still taking our calls. His answer, however, was anything buy surprising. “No I don’t,” was all he offered as a counterpoint before hanging up the phone. Suspicious? We think so.


If you have been looking for a reason to get involved and make a positive influence on the world, we can’t recommend highly enough working as hard as possible to destroy the life of Bezos and billionaires like him. The new world we want to create has no place for men like Jeff, never forget that. He certainly hasn’t.

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