Opinion: There are No Good Companies, Just Good Advertising

We regret to inform you that everything you know is a lie. Sure, we might sound like a broken record at this point saying this over and over, but the truth of the statement just continues to be relevant. Today, we are talking about corporations, companies, and organizations and how they are truly nothing but a parasite on our society. Our thesis is pretty simple – there are no good companies and there never has been. There is only good advertising, which is of course made by advertising agencies, and the cycle continues. So that’s the gist, feel free to drop off here unless you want to go deeper, but we’re about to dive in.

First of all, why must a company be good at all? A company shouldn’t be anything. It is an organized way to get you toilet paper or a new phone or whatever. It doesn’t need to have a stance on political issues, because companies should be neutral.

Unfortunately, companies are run by people who are by definition anything but neutral. Thus, they find ways to manipulate people into thinking that they care about social causes or anything along those lines in order to sell more products.

I mean, when was the last time you were at the store and bought extra of something just because the packaging told you to? No judgement, I do this too, but it was probably pretty recently, right? You have been duped by these horrid advertisers who have taken your soul and turned it into a credit card. And they are on a shopping spree.

But don’t let me mix my metaphors. I don’t believe in money as a concept, much less the idea of capitalism. I mean, what? What trombone of a doofus woke up one morning and thought, ‘Hmm, what if I broke my brain for 8 hours a day? What if I just let it pool out of my ears?’ And then he decided to make everyone do it. Classic Bill Capitalism.

And this, kids, is what they won’t tell you. They won’t tell you that capitalism is made to never end, it is made to go on and on forever. But we live in a finite universe, a finite world, and that is just incompatible with the most basic of life. Mountains can’t keep climbing up and up, they will have peaks and valleys, but also if they get to high, they will crumble under their own weight.

We will crumble under our own weight and you won’t be able to say I didn’t warn you. But that’s not what I want. I don’t want to be right. I want for us all to change and make progress in the areas that matter so that when people start having kids again, they’ll have something to do. Is that so hard?


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