The word timeline has lost all meaning to me, but you know when you are scrolling through your Facebook feed and see someone you know from high school or college announce that they are engaged? Yeah, most of the time it’s a big yikes, right? Well, after years and years of these posts, our team has collected a solid list of 11 comments you can and should leave on your friend’s posts when they announce their engagement. Now, these are each designed to achieve different results, so make sure to review the full list before you decide on what to post. Remember, this isn’t about being encouraging, this is about guaranteeing a spot at that wedding.


1. “Hey, way to go! You convinced her you know how to use a garden trowel and finally sealed the deal. Can’t wait to give you a custom set of tools for your wedding gift. Can I bring a plus one?”


2. “Oh, perfect! She looks like the perfect live prey, I can’t wait to stalk her through the woods outside you parent’s lakehouse.”


3. “You were chosen by the Fairy Goddess? Truly, can it be? I’ve not seen something such as this in decades! Send word to the outer cities and villages, we must make haste to defeat this foe.”


4. “Have you ever been down to the bayou? Oh, you’d both love it. I mean, I don’t want to put words in your mouth, but wedding venue? I think so!”


5. “Don’t tell me, don’t tell me, you are going to get married in a barn. I knew it! I can’t wait to wear my cowboy boots and really blend in. That’s kosher, right?”


6. “What ever happened to that rash you had Junior year? If you haven’t figured that out yet, now would be the time!”


7. “Who do I have to let into my a cappella group to get into this wedding? No, seriously, who wants to join my group? Please, god, I’m so tired of singing alone in my basement.


8. “What’s the theme? I hope it’s Not Jealous, because that’s what I’ll be! Not jealous. To clarify, I am very happy for you. Is that not apparent? I’m delighted. I just can’t get my tone right.”


9. “If Demarcus isn’t there, I’m not going!”


10. “Have you thought about this? Like, really?”


11. “Marriage is so difficult. No one will tell you this, but it’s absolute torture. It’s beyond remedy. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. When you make the commitment to a marriage, you enter into a soul-binding contract that won’t let you rest until you fulfill your destiny. It’s not easy, but it is definitely worth it.”


Oh right, we should have mentioned that when we said ‘get invited to the wedding,’ we meant ‘start so much drama they would be stupid not to invite you to see what happens.’ Hope that was made clear.