Local Antifa Parents Teach Their Children the ACABs

With debates over schools reopening raging across the country and more parents than ever considering taking their children out of public school for alternate options, there are lots of different ideas about curriculum floating around. However, for one local couple, the move to home learning has been exciting, as they will have more say in what their children are taking in. “We love having the kids around,” said parent and fashion consultant, Derek. “Especially because we get to teach them the ACABs and other vital anti-fascist tools they’ll need in the real world.” We sat down with Derek and his wife Leslie to learn more about their unique approach to parenting.


“When this whole thing started, we didn’t know how we were going to juggle everything,” began Leslie as we slowly settled into their deep couch. “But when our offices sent us both home, along with the kids from school, we realized that this was the perfect opportunity to teach our kids the valuable lessons we had only learned later in life.”


“It wasn’t easy at first,” Derek interjects, both laughing. “The first time we taught little Devin ACAB, he kept saying ‘battered.’ We told him no, that would be their spouses, but he eventually came around. Now, he’s even been teaching the rest of his dance class via Zoom to say it properly. We’ve never been prouder.”


We reached out to a few other parents from the dance class and other extracurriculars now taking place remotely to hear how little Devin and Charlie’s new teachings has been affecting the other kids. Unsurprisingly, most of them were pretty on board with their children learning these things at such a young age.


“Our kids need to know that cops are not to be trusted,” one parent told us who at first was caught off guard by the language coming out of their seven-year-old’s mouth. “But next thing you know, we’re reading Baldwin together. I think most parents are worried about giving too much of the world to their kids too early. However, I’ve been nothing but impressed by my child’s behavior ever since we started. Can’t recommend enough.”


“Did you know that the 13th amendment basically just redefined slavery for the 20th century? We never even got rid of it, which is not what I was taught in school. I’m so glad my student is learning history and helping me understand more about the world. Thanks Derek and Leslie, you really are setting up our kids for success.”


In fact, the program has been so successful, the couple is considering writing their own curriculum for parents stuck at home in the fall. “Our hope is that our kids won’t have to inherit the horrors we are creating for them. But if they do, they’ll be better prepared to handle them than us.”

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