The Return of Plague Doctors

Until very recently, the only reason why you would happen to see someone wearing a plague doctor outfit is if you were attending a steampunk themed event. As someone who has attended several such gatherings, I can tell you this is true. However, with the return of a literal plague, there have been more and more sightings of plague doctors cropping up all over the globe. Whether they are actually treating patients or just trying to create a new atmosphere of fear, we believe they are here to stay. After weeks of investigations, we can now confirm that the return of the plague doctors has begun.

First of all, I am sure you will want photographic evidence. So, here you go.

Not good enough? Here, have another one.

Now, while these could obviously just be modern people in 17th century garb, the fact that they are announcing their presence like this and being so obvious about it leads me to believe they aren’t real plague doctors. A real plague doctor would never be so forthcoming about their activities. And they certainly wouldn’t buy anything from Starbucks.

No, you see, over the course of the last several years, I have been studying up on plague doctors for reasons we don’t need to get into. And what I learned, it was surprisingly bizarre, even for people who went around wearing giant beaks.

Apparently, the plague doctors that we are familiar with were only one small subset of the plague doctor community. The beaks were just the most fun to include in history books, but in reality, there were people wearing even more bizarre masks to stay safe while treating patients. Among them they even shared beliefs that the animal or creation that they wore on their masks would guide them through the afterlife.

Not only that, but many of them believed that if they could prevent death for enough people through their actions, they could prevent themselves from dying. It is said that in cities like Rome, certain plague doctors healed thousands, maybe even tens of thousands. Could you imagine what that would mean to them? They would think themselves to be practically immortal.

This is why I had to write this article to you, my friends. When we say the plague doctors are returning, we are talking about the very same plague doctors that existed centuries ago. This is why we dare not even imagine why they are returning now.

We hope it is simply that they see an opportunity to save more lives and secure their own place in immortality, but what if that isn’t the case? What if that isn’t the case?


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