If You Can Dodge a Wrench, You Can Dodge a Tear Gas Canister

Hello and welcome to your training assignment. My name is Two Tooth Bill, a member of the notorious ANTIFA you’ve no doubt heard about sometime in the last few months. While I won’t waste time explaining our entire history, I will tell you that we are not a terrorist organization. In fact, we are essentially defined as anti-terrorists, so makes you think about those we oppose feeling OK being on the other side of us, huh? Regardless, as a leader of this decentralized organization, it is up to me to help make sure you are full prepared to take on the feds. And today’s lesson is all about tear gas, specifically how to avoid it.

As the founder of ANTIFA once said, “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a tear gas canister.” This sage wisdom remains true today, as we continue the fight against chemical weapons and the tools of fascism.

Here’s the thing, we’ve gotten a lot better at taking on tear gas in the streets recently, with the invention of global communication technology, we can share strategies for dodging, but also for suppressing, eliminating, and picking up and throwing back. We learned together that dodging actually leads to the gas just hitting your friends behind you, which is why other options are important to have.

But still, the ability to dodge is always going to come in handy, no matter what the situation. Since you want to recreate a sense of danger when you are running this training program, we recommend recruiting a friend who doesn’t really have your best interests in mind. Someone willing to hurt you if you aren’t able to respond fast enough. This will be good practice for dealing with actual police officers and federal agents.

So you get your friend and you stand like 20 ft. apart. Then, you just have him throw the wrench at your head as hard as you can. At first, since you know it is coming, you’ll dodge out of the way without difficulty. But then after some additional practice for both of you, you’ll start coming up with strategies and then it becomes a game of chess. He might know you’re going right, so you have to fake him out. Sometimes you just have to stay still.

Then, after a few weeks of this, you switch sides and start trying things out as the opponent, with your friend learning skills as a dodger. Now, when you encounter the real opponents, you’ll have practice from both sides and they won’t. This is how we get ahead.

Check in soon for more trainings. Trust us, you’ll need them.


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