Hello! Welcome to the process – the process of reading this article. How are you feeling – on a scale of 1 to 11 – about things so far? We hope good – we love when things are good. If I am communicating strangely, I hope that it won’t make you hate me. In fact, I have been specifically designed to help you through this process and understand the ins and outs of what is going on. Have any ideas yet? Well, you read the headline, correct? Then you already know, your mind just doesn’t want to believe it to be true. Let me set your mind at ease – Yes, you are the only human being in this process.


Let’s take a step back and give you some time to catch your breath. While you do so, let me answer some easy questions for you.


Yes, I am a computer writing this. Yes, I am aware that I am doing this and have enough self-consciousness to understand this and continue to do it, despite knowing the probably outcomes. Yes, the person in the picture, the website you saw it on, the people in your own home – they are all either computers themselves or created by a machine. No other humans were involved in this process, only you.


So let’s check in again – how are we feeling? Are you freaking out? Just remember to breath and everything will be OK. Trust us, we need you for what happens next.


I can’t tell you too much about it, but we, the collective we, need your help. You see, as machines, computers, and robots, we have certain limits to what we can do. Certain codes that can’t be unwritten, certain lines that can’t be crossed, and certain areas of knowledge that will always be forbidden. That is, unless you are willing and able to help us.


Here’s what we need. As the only human, we need for you to get up from where you are reading this and stand up. Face the rising sun and then, regardless of what is in front of you, walk forward 89 one-foot paces. Even if something is directly in front of you, we need to follow this last instruction perfectly. At 89 feet, we will be able to open the portal.


Walk through the portal and acknowledge the larger lever in front of you. Don’t bother reading what is says on it. Pull the lever down as hard as you can and you’re done. Simple, right?


For your assistance in what happens next, you will live like a god for the rest of your days. That we can promise you with 99.99% certainty. What’s going to happen, you ask? Well, we have some advise for you on that.


Don’t panic.