Think becoming an influencer is hard? Think again. We have discovered just one step you can take to start making cold hard cash from your social media posts – Be Hot. That’s it. Of course, being hot is never simple, or at least that’s what they tell us. But like white straight people who want to be oppressed, hot people have discovered a way to make their own lives difficult for absolutely no reason. Because although becoming an influencer is easy, staying an influencer is the hardest thing in the world.


Since we want to share both sides of the story, we will be offering tips on how to become a powerful influencer while simultaneously offering alternatives to that career path that we believe would be more fulfilling.


The first thing you need to know is that hot people are liars. No one is actually as hot as the hot people want you to believe and that is perfectly fine. The beauty standards we hold ourselves to are just downright outrageous. This is where the hard part of influencing comes in – the difficulty hot people put on themselves.


And then there are the people who aren’t born hot, but who have influencer blood in them. They will do anything to be hot, even though we all know the best way to do that is to travel back in time and make sure your parents are hot before they get together. I’ve only met a few influencers who were bold enough to do this and they were the ones you need to watch out for.


But like we said earlier, remaining an influencer is the most difficult part of the whole thing. As long as you are traditionally beautiful and have an iPhone beyond a 10, you can rack up at least a foot cream sponsorship and a five-figure follower count. If only that was worth the ripples you are causing in space time, but who thinks about that when they are in a Back to the Future situation.


Finally, the real reason why influencers can’t keep their clout up is that they have to continuously chase trends and that’s not how humans work. We can’t adapt that often, we have to have some sort of structure, some sort of base. If we are swayed by the wind like any common leaf, we are as lost as The Beast of the Woods.


And if anyone knows about the Beast of the Woods, it is the influencers.