Area Man Cleaning Ears with Q-Tip Accidentally Hits Factory Reset Button

(Boston, MA) Over the last year, more people than ever have spent time thinking about personal hygiene due to COVID-19. And If you’re like us, you’ve probably decided to take on a few new initiatives to stay clean and healthy in your day to day life. One such enterprising fellow, area man and former minor league hockey player Dave Brimm, made the decision at the beginning of the pandemic to take better care of himself. “He bought home weights, a new toothbrush, and even started flossing,” Dave’s partner Ghani told us. “I thought he was turning a new leaf. Now, he hardly recognizes me anymore. I would much rather have a smellier version of the old Dave than whatever is sitting in my living room now.”

What Ghani was referring to is that earlier this week, Dave was running through his newly regimented health routine when the unexpected happen. According to his partner, Dave was cleaning out some earwax with a q-tip when he prodded a bit too far and suddenly collapsed in a heap. In a panic, Ghani called an ambulance, but by the time it arrived, Dave was standing up and seemed alert. It wasn’t until he attempted to begin speaking that they realized something was wrong.

“Knowing Dave, I knew he was trying to say ‘All good here,’ but what actually came out of his mouth was more of a low groan with just a vague hint of understanding or comprehension.” Ghani got teared up at this point while recounting the story. “It’s been a few days and he still hasn’t said a full sentence. I just don’t know what happened.”

Dave’s doctor was able to shed some light on the subject. “It’s extremely rare, but what seems to happen is that while cleaning his ear with a q-tip, which is not recommended but almost impossible to avoid, Dave hit what we in the business call a ‘reset button.’ It’s not something we understand fully, but there have been studies on similar individuals who were able to essentially ‘clear’ their brain and revert it back to its original form. Unfortunately, this means that anything that wasn’t hardwired in gets removed and not much remains other than basic motor function. Either that or Dave is a very sophisticated robot, but that seems unlikely.”

One the bright side, members from the community have been helping Dave and Ghani to work through this traumatic event, with daily meal deliveries and a neighbor on-call in case assistance is needed. “It’s really too bad,” one neighbor told us. “Dave has always been such a vibrant part of this community. I just hope they can restore him from the Cloud or something, but I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know if that’s even possible. In the meantime, we’re just here to help.”

Ghani went on to tell us that they aren’t ruling anything out and have even had conversations about experimental trials with Dave’s medical team. “I just want my Dave back,” they told us with tears in their eyes. “Even if it means he has dirty ears for the rest of our lives, I don’t care. And for anyone out there reading this, don’t let your partners use q-tips. You never know what might happen.”


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