Meet the Entrepreneur Whose Billion Dollar Company ‘Sells Air’

In the land of the American Dream, anything is possible* and with just a little bit of sweat, ingenuity, and hard-work**, anyone can follow their passions to create the life they want for themselves. Although recently this has been hampered by a global pandemic, as America hordes vaccines with the rest of the wealthy countries, we are making sure that the American Dream is making a comeback by pushing forward without acknowledging any of our faults or shortcomings. In fact, looking forward at this new world is exactly what we are talking about in this article as we highlight a new company and the entrepreneur behind it who plans to ‘save us all by selling air.’ Let’s find our more.


*unconfirmed
**daddy’s money

Meet Brick Johannesburg, entrepreneur, former Ohio Corndogs baseball player, and the CEO behind the billion dollar company ‘Breath.’ Brick grew up on the East Coast with loving parents that spared no expense sending their son to the best schools. According to Brick, he originally had the idea for the company all the way back in high school.

“We were learning about global warming, as we called it back then, and my teacher told us that ‘Unless we change our behaviors, one day, the very air we breathe won’t be able to support human life.’ I’m sure he was just doing this to scare us into recycling or something, but it gave me the inspiration I needed to start working on this company.”

The idea Brick is referring to is summed up nicely on Breath’s modern company website. “The world is running out of air and soon, only the wealthiest will be able to breathe without difficulty. Which is where we come in. Breath’s patented air technology, which is currently being developed, will save you from having to suffocate as the world crumbles around you. That’s the Clean Air™ guarantee.’

The website goes on to say that orders are being taken now for those forward-thinkers who want to make sure they have a supply of air when climate change begins to take its toll. And according to their website, it is working, with over 500,000 signups so far.

Still trying to fully grasp the concept and the technology, we asked Brick how they planned to use air technology to save these eager customers. “Right now the technology is being developed, which we are confident will be ready in time for our launch next year. In the meantime, however, we have purchased enormous warehouses in the high Canadian wilderness to store good air as a fallback. We want to make sure that we will have something for our customers regardless of technological difficulties.”

“So, you’re filling warehouses with air and ‘working on the technology,’ and you are valued at 3 billion dollars as of writing this?”

“Yes, that is correct. What can I say? Investors love futuristic ideas and ours has the potential to save humanity,*** so why not get excited?” Glancing at his watch, Brick looked up at us and said, “Actually that is 4 billion now. Anyways, gotta jet. I have to be in Tulum this afternoon for a board meeting.”

*** a bunch of rich idiots.

There you have it folks. The American Dream.

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