Woman Looking for Unicorns in Silicon Valley Disappointed by Lack of Magical Horses

(Silicon Valley, CA) If you look back at the last 15-20 years, it is almost impossible to imagine the current economic landscape without Silicon Valley. Although The Valley’s technological domination began in the 70s, it wasn’t until companies like Google and Facebook set up shop there that things really exploded. Now, venture capitalists and would-be interns alike flock to the area, hoping to find an affordable one-bedroom and the next big thing. Some have already been able to do this with companies like Slack that skyrocketed to insane evaluations in just months. In fact, one woman has been searching for her own unicorn for years now, only without much luck. For this article, we caught up with Daniella Hagar to hear about her experience in SV trying to find the next unicorn.

Before we jump in, we believe we should define the word ‘unicorn’ in this context.

Unicorn: a privately held startup company valued at over $1 billion

These types of startups are so rare that they are similar to unicorns, the mythical creature from fairy tales, which is why they were given that name. We assumed that Daniella knew this, which is why we asked her straight away about it to start the interview.

Interviewer: “So, Daniella, tell us about your search for unicorns in Silicon Valley. What brought you hear, now, and why do you think you are qualified to take on this challenge?”

Daniella: “Well, I have spent most of my life fascinated by unicorns. You never really know where they are going to pop up and often by the time you get there, it’s already too late. I want to get in while the gettin’ is good.

Interviewer: “Of course. Who wouldn’t? But what is your process, how do you locate a potential unicorn?”

Daniella: “When I told people about my search, everyone told me I had to come Silicon Valley. Apparently there is a higher percentage of unicorns here than anywhere else in the world. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I haven’t been able to find any and some people have even confused me with a unicorn.”

Interviewer, taken aback: “You? A unicorn? How could that happen?”

Daniella: “If you’re a bisexual woman like myself, you know how easy it is to get misidentified as a unicorn. Thankfully, now that I am in a committed relationship, that happens less.”

Interviewer: “And you don’t see that as sexist? That just because you have a partner, you can’t be a unicorn founder?”

Daniella: “Wait, hold on. In this context, I’m talking about a bisexual woman who agrees to join a pre-existing heterosexual marriage as a third sexual component, without presenting any threat of infidelity or emotional burden to either the husband or wife.”

Interviewer: “Oh I see. But professionally, you are looking for a privately held startup company valued at over $1 billion to join? That’s the kind of unicorn you are looking for?”

Daniella: “No, I’m talking about a legendary creature that has been described since antiquity as a beast with a single large, pointed, spiraling horn projecting from its forehead. That’s why I moved here. But now that I’m here, there is a disappointing amount of magical horses, much less unicorns.”

Interviewer: “We really need to start asking some basic questions before starting these interviews.”

Daniella: “You’re telling me.”

And scene.

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