Local Man Gets Anxiety Thinking About His Anxiety

(Buffalo, NY) A report has come in claiming that a local man in Buffalo, NY was not able to leave his couch for a stunning 16 hours after he imagined telling his friends and family about his recently diagnosed anxiety and depression. “I felt like I was sinking into a black hole after just merely imagining their reactions to me telling them about the news.”

Jeff Loch has been living what he believes has been a normal life up until a few weeks ago. He attended Cornell University to achieve a degree in finance, after which he took a job at Gilbert and Jay where he has since been promoted twice in his first three years. He is not exceptional by any means when viewed from an outsider’s perspective, but he also is not necessarily lacking in any regards. He met his husband, Tarek, at the office and has loved their two years together. He is your everyday guy, and yet, with just the idea of a conversation it might all be falling apart.

“I came home after a long day of looking at excel spreadsheets and muttering ‘synergy’ to myself under my breath, you know, typical finance stuff,” Tarek explained, “to find my sweet Jeff sinking ever so slowly into our living room couch, right where I had left him that morning.”

As Tarek was explaining this to us, he subtly kept trying to pick his nose. This is not relevant to the story, it just bugged this reporter to his core. Back to the story.

“I had assumed he was just not feeling well so I didn’t push the issue, but this was unusual indeed.” Tarek continued to wipe at his goddamn drippy faucet, but after using his sleeve as a tissue, went on to say “I think he might have had an emotional episode while I was making pancakes this morning.”

We reached Jeff to see what he had to say about all this, “I couldn’t stop playing the scenario in my head over and over again. I imagined that I was at a dinner party at the house I grew up in. All of my family was there and some of my high school friends too. I tapped my glass with my fork, the way people do in movies to get people’s attention, and told everyone about my recent diagnosis of acute anxiety and depression.”

“What? Like you’re sad?” my sister scoffed.

“Dude just smoke some weed, you’re bumming me out,” said Chad, my first love.

“Is this because of work? Everyone gets stressed out, it’s part of being an adult!” my mom replied, trying to be encouraging.

“Listen kid, I have been stressed out my entire life. From the moment your grandmother had me I was screaming from the overwhelming pain of existence, but do you hear me complaining about it? No. I hide it deep down within me and while yes, it occasionally rears it’s head in the form of a three day bender where you guys think I have run off with another family or died, I always come back and do my job until the next time it happens. That’s the way life goes and if you can’t handle that without drugging yourself up, you are in for a nasty surprise. Now quit being a pussy and hand me the mash potatoes.”

“It was what my dad said that really stuck with me and that I kept thinking over and over about. He had been that way my entire life and honestly was probably the reason I am this way. It was his words that glued me to that couch until Tarek finally snapped me out of it with his amazing chicken tikka masala.” Jeff seemed to get lost in remembering this tasty dish.

We tried to reach Jeff’s family about this issue, but all they said was “What anxiety?” and we figured that answered our questions.

The final thing we will leave you with is something that Tarek said. “I love Jeff so much and I know that sometimes he gets bogged down by these bad thoughts, but all I can do is continue to love him and make sure that he never feels like I will react the way his family has. That’s what true love is.”

Jeff and Tarek live in Buffalo, NY with their two German Shepherds and cat named Floyd. If you are feeling similar to Jeff and think you might have signs of undiagnosed anxiety and depression, see a professional because these signs are often overlooked or ignored. 

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