Tumblr Rebrands as GateKeepr.com in Attempt to Turn Site Around

This just in. Social networking and microblogging site Tumblr has announced that they will be rebranding as GateKeepr.com in an attempt to turn the platform around and appeal to new audiences. “At Tumblr, we’ve always stood by our principles,” said former CEO and founder David Karp. “Gaslight. Gatekeep. Girlboss. And while GateKeepr wasn’t our first choice for a new name, we believe it is one that allows us to reach the largest possible audience of new users.” While this might make sense from a financial perspective, considering that Tumblr was at one point valued at billions of dollars, users of the site are already complaining and launching campaigns to stop this from happening.

Let’s hear from both sides on why the believe what they do so that you the reader can decide for yourself. That’s what journalism is, right?

We found some posts on what is still Tumblr.com about these changes and here were some of the most popular ones we found. Each of the original posters were contacted and each of them gave the same response – ‘eat my shorts.’

CandyCorn666: I’ve been on Tumblr since 2007 and this is honestly upsetting. I never tell people I am on Tumblr in the first place, but I am never ever going to ask someone if they have a GateKeepr. What a horrible name choice. But you wouldn’t even get how horrible it is unless you have been here as long as I have.

CaesareanSalad: Who gives them the right to do this? Thanks for nothing, Joe Biden.

WitchyVibes420: Once again, Tumblr doesn’t understand its own users, but that’s no surprise. They never have and they never will. And if I am a gatekeeper, than its because I don’t want people like you inside.

Obviously, none of them were feeling it. Well, that is until we told them that part of the agreement to rebrand was a clause that would remove the ban on explicit images. After that, pretty much everyone was on board.

Then we spoke with a few investors, managers, and other people involved in the decision to make the switch. They were more.. cynical, to say the least.

Bill Oats, Vice President: I’ve lost so much damn money on this website. Everyone was saying ‘invest in the Internet’ and ‘it’s the new Facebook.’ Yeah well Mark Zuckerberg is out there colonizing Hawaii and I’m here talking to you, so, eat my shorts.

Kavid Darp, CFO: I think it will be great for the money. The money has been so sad recently. I hate when the money is sad, so I want to do this to hopefully change that.

Leslie Miller, Angel Investor: Remember that GameStop thing that happened a few months ago? Turns out, the website url Tumblr.com is very valuable and we’re gonna run up it’s value before we dump it. Oh, and all the shit I’m saying is off the record, right?

Sounds like it could be a while ride for everyone involved. Good luck! Call us when you get bored.

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