Libertarian Man Believes in His Individual Freedom to be a Complete Dingus

(Omaha, NE) In today’s political climate, it can often feel like there are no right choices. Between people on the Left fighting for equal rights and affordable healthcare to people on the Right trying to overthrow the government, it can be hard to know where you fall and what to say in order not to piss everyone off. Today, we thought we would try something different and interview someone who doesn’t see themselves as ‘Right’ or ‘Left,’ but something else altogether. His name is Georgie Porzingus and he identifies as a Libertarian, which to him means he has a ‘right and an unalienable individual freedom to be a complete dingus’ and ‘no one can stop him.’ Let’s find out more about Georgie and exactly what that means.

Let’s first start off with a definition.

Libertarianism is a political philosophy and movement that upholds liberty as a core principle. Liberty here defined as ‘the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life, behavior, or political views.’

Now that we have the textbook definition, consider how Mr. Porzingus defines his beliefs. He claims that his right to be a dingus is something that he has complete freedom to pursue and that he can’t be restricted from doing this by a government entity, which is correct. But our main question is simple: why? Why would you want to be a dingus in the first place?

“I see it as the only rational thing a man can do anymore,” he told us in during the interview. “Men today are afraid to be seen going against the flow. They allow themselves to be coddled, to treat themselves with dignity and respect, and to have self-awareness. In my father’s time, they would have been killed. Now they are celebrated for their ’emotional intelligence.’ I’m here to show that it is the individual right of men in this country to be a complete dingus and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop us.”

“OK…” we replied, still confused. “And what is the purpose of being a dingus? Or is being a dingus the end goal? Maybe you could provide an example to give us some more context.”

“Sure, of course. Like, imagine you are going out with some friends – and remember this is a hypothetical situation – but let’s say you go out and someone tries to get the group to go to a Rom-Com, but you want to stare at a wall and get drunk on whiskey – you should have the right to do that without judgement.”

“What’s stopping you from doing that? Seems like that is something you could absolutely do if you aren’t concerned about that last part, ‘without judgement.’ I don’t think anyone can guarantee that.”

“Exactly,” Georgie snapped. “And I do that most of the time because I never have friends who want to take me to the movies. All I am saying is that people should see me being counter-cultural and realize how cool I am and want to be my friend – why is that so hard? I’m willing to be a dingus for you, because that’s my freedom, so why does everyone think I’m just a weirdo?”

“Sounds you’re so obsessed with individual rights that you’ve never thought outside of yourself and your own needs to imagine what others might want, is that fair to say?”

“I guess – but it’s my right to not listen when people talk or to not like what others think.”

“OK – but it’s also their individual right to not be your friend if you’re just an asshole about everything.”

“Whatever,” Georgie muttered under his breath while putting his cowboy hat back on. “I’ll take my guns, property, and individual freedoms over friends any day.” And with that, he left the interview.


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