Taking a Lyft or Uber has become as common as brushing your teeth—at least once a week, and for all big events. What many riders don’t know is proper etiquette for rating a driver. Drivers must maintain an ungodly 4.8 or higher rating to remain in good standing, which means that many of them expect 5 stars for taking your lazy ass 10 minutes down the road. But you and I both know that people only grow when they get dragged in star rating systems. We at Eritas compiled the best reasons to give your Lyft or Uber driver a one-star rating, because there is nothing between perfection and total failure.

 

• Parking on the other side of the street from your house.
• Parking in your driveway.
• Making eye contact with you while driving.
• Not making eye contact with you while driving.
• Making conversation when you are clearly trying to look pensively out of the window.
• Getting you to your destination too early to be fashionable.
• Not making conversation even though you only give one-word answers.
• Parking in your lawn.
• Getting you to your destination right on time and making you feel weirdly refreshed to not be panicking about arrival time for once.
• Not making conversation after you insult their car.

• Turning up the radio when you ask them to change the station.
• Asking where you’re going when you clearly typed the location into the ride request.
• Watching you make out in the backseat.
• Handing you conspiracy pamphlets even though it’s casual and not at all invasive of your beliefs about JFK or UFOs.
• Not checking that you’re still going to the place you included in the original ride request.
• Getting you to your destination after the estimated ride time.
• Not making conversation after you ask them what decisions led to them driving for a ride service.
• Laughing at the jokes you make to the person you’re talking to on the phone.

• Stopping to get a Slurpee even after offering you a sip.
• Asking you to play a game of Rock Paper Scissors about which route is the fastest.
• Having magazines like a damn waiting room.
• Not having magazines like a damn elevator.
• Stopping for gas and asking you to pump it while you grab a Fig Newton.

 

Did we miss a good reason to get your driver fired? Leave us a comment or Tweet us, preferably while you ask your driver to take you around the block six times while you decide if you want to go Susan’s birthday brunch. Your driver won’t mind.

 

This shortie was written by Ben Taylor, who once drove a car straight off a cliff just to see if his parents were spies. He guessed correctly. Follow him for more on Twitter @therealbenshady.