“Guys, We’re Going to Be Alright,” Declares Local Teen to Room of Friends Listening to The Smiths


(Milwaukee, WI) Saturday afternoon was here and local teen boy Marvin Blarvin was getting ready for a night to remember. His parents, Judith and Becky, were out of town this weekend and the liquor cabinet had disappeared again, leaving easy access to the grubby fingers of high school sophomores looking to ride the lightning.  As the sun began to set, Marv the Wonderboy began to set up what he hoped would be the party of the semester.


In order to truly create a legendary party, the young Clarvin needed to invite his crew over: there was Radio (the tech wiz), Ronnie (the funny one), Junebug (Wildcard), and Tori (the girl). Radio brought over his laptop and set up the speakers to play a playlist that Tori had put together last summer when her parents were gone and she threw a rager. Ronnie’s older brother brought over a keg that he taught them how to tap, while Junebug’s older brother let them buy a couple of blunts and tried to offer them something called “Druff of Mephistopheles.”


Now, while the invite-only Facebook event said that the party started at 8pm, Marvin hoped that everyone knew to be cool about it and arrive at a chill 9:20. At 8:15 the doorbell rang, sending Marvin into a near panic attack until he realized it was just the next door neighbor coming over to tell him that they were leaving for the evening. “So I wrote down my phone number,” said Ms. Trunken, “Feel free to call us if you need anything. We’re off to see that new Channing Tatum flick. Now, don’t you go throwing a party while we are out!” With that, she laughed and skipped out the door, frightening the cat and singing a merry tune.


Around 9, a few of the nerdier kids from Marvin’s grade showed up and quickly picked up the scattered Wii remotes near Radio to get started on some Mario Kart. This was a trap intentionally laid out by the crew, hoping to trap the geeks in the front room and away from where the action was going to take place. There was a similar system in place to keep the freaks up in Marvin’s room with Junebug to entertain them, but they typically showed up after midnight so he wasn’t worried about that yet. The main action of the party was going to be where Tori, Ronnie, and Marvin were, which was the living room/kitchen combo and Marvin’s parent’s room.


It wasn’t until another half hour had gone by that Marvin realized that neither him or his moms had ever had a cat. Earlier he had seen a cat when his neighbor had skipped out of the building, but he now realized he had no idea whose cat it was. “Did someone bring a cat?” asked Marvin to the group of teens that had found their way into the kitchen.


“Nah man, but I saw him earlier. He looks like Garfield, right? Big and orange,” replied Skateboard Tony. “Wait hold up, do cats actually like lasagna? Worth a Google.”


“I actually saw a black cat earlier on top of your fridge,” chimed in Monique, “Do you guys really like cats or something? Should have been on the Facebook thread, some people are super allergic.”


“Yeah, we are just big cat people,” laughed Marvin in what he was hoping was a casual tone as he left the kitchen to check upstairs. The reason he was trying to stay calm was that he had seen a white cat with big blue eyes earlier, which, unless there was some sort of group hallucination happening, means that there were currently at least three cats of unknown original roaming the Glarvin household.


Marvin went upstairs and was walking back towards his parent’s room when he caught something out of the corner of his eye. The door to the bathroom off the hallway going down to his moms’ bedroom was open and inside Marvin saw that Junebug’s older brother Beetle was snorting a white substance off of a scared sophomore’s knee. “Hey, knock it off dude,” Marv said to them, apparently catching the kid off guard and making his knee jerk.


“Not cool dude! That was the last of my Druff,” Beetled yelled, brushing the dust off of his jacket. “Also, seriously man, find a place for your cat during a party. That is like the first rule of throwing a party,” with this he handed Marvin another cat, this one grey with black stripes and very obviously not a cat already reported.


Marvin tried not to lose his cool as he entered his parent’s room, but as soon as he opened the door he was met by not one, but seven additional cats that had all somehow found their way into the master bedroom. Completely flummoxed and pissed off, Marvin went to his room to think on how he was going to get out of this, but he forgot that he had lent his room to the freaks. As he entered, he realized his mistake, but before he could leave, the door was closed behind him and a joint was passed into his hand.


Just as he was about to take a hit, because of YOLO and such, Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths began to play on the record player in the corner. As he inhaled whatever was in the J he was smoking, Marvin leaned back against the wall, stepped over a tiny kitten underfoot, and announced to the room of gathered teenagers, “Guys, we’re going to be alright.”


And that, was the best party of the semester. Tori and Marvin are dating now, and Radio finally came out to the group a week after the party. Looks like things are going to be alright indeed.


This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who has read way too many John Green books in his life. Follow him for more manic pixie dream blue whale scenarios on Twitter @NPEllwood

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