Affirmative Action for Rich White Men Receives Backlash After Spicer Gaff 

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It was the Hitler analogy heard ‘round the world. Yesterday, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer criticized the Syrian chemical attack by saying that not even Hitler used chemical weapons.

A quick “what is/was the holocaust” to Siri would tell the average Press Secretary that chemical weapons were indeed a primary tool in the genocide of millions of Jews during Hitler’s reign. But Sean Spicer is no average Press Secretary: he’s a beneficiary of an affirmative action policy that is now coming under intense scrutiny.

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Most critics of affirmative action cite that it favors persons of color (which of course is a term they don’t know) to the detriment of white males who often struggle to get jobs in hypothetical universes of the racist imagination. What many of these critics fail to mention is that the U.S. government is itself participating in a form of affirmative action that favors rich white men with bogus degrees.

Sean Spicer is one such beneficiary. Although he holds a “bachelor’s degree” in “government” and a “master’s degree” in “strategic studies” (air quotes are Spicer’s), Spicer actually skipped much of his formal training in private school due to being extremely wealthy.

Richard Brontwell, Spicer’s high school principal, admitted, “I was paid a generous sum of money to give Spicer a diploma despite his obvious lack of mastery in any subject. His parents paid me weekly to give Sean ‘alternative grades,’ which I see has evolved in his later years.”

Spicer is just one of many in the White House who are part of a Nixon-era affirmative action program that grants top level administration positions to rich white men who are uneducated because they had too much money and not enough discipline growing up and should therefore receive sympathy in the form of high level jobs with a lot of money.

Take Steve Bannon, who definitely has a Swastika tattooed somewhere on his body. Although Bannon received his education from Reddit, a user-run website consisting of memes and discussion forums, Bannon now has the power to whisper into the President’s ear and watch his racist fantasies become reality. Or Mike Pence, who is afraid of gay people, and does not deserve to have this sentence finished. Or Donald Trump himself, who received his degree from Trump University, and later sued and won against his own school for duping him into thinking he knew how to read because he sometimes looks at words on screens.

Anna Franca of the ACLU explains how this affirmative action program came to be: “What we are seeing is a program designed to help rich white men who in a normal, sane society would lose their jobs at a Six Flags after hitting on customers and stealing ICEEs. The problem is that rich white men in America have a history of getting what they don’t deserve, so this affirmative action program was designed to make sure the dumbest of all of them got the most powerful jobs of all.”

While some might say these men are all suffering from affluenza, Franca warns that these men would not know the term but probably agree that they suffer from many debilitating ailments that prove just how badly they deserve to run the country.

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