(Rapid City, SD) The other night, after downing a few too many La Croixs, your guy here dosed off into a restless sleep on the love seat pull-out. Between shocking spasms to my fragile bones I would fall into a dream-like state, only I am now convinced that these were not dreams at all, but visions. I cannot tell if this is a vision from the future, from another dimension, or simply a prank being pulled on me by the NSA, but R. L. Stine came to me in a vision the other night and read me a forbidden Goosebumps novel.

When I first found myself in the vision, I wasn’t entirely sure I was asleep. Although I was now in my bed instead of the love seat pull-out, I was not alone. Sitting beside me was none other than R. L. Stine, the legend himself. He said to me “Are you ready to get start, Chauncy?” I was so caught of guard by what was happening that I didn’t reply. 1. because I could not seem to move any of my body, and 2. because my name is Trev.

Barely noticing I had not replied, R. L. simply scoffed and said “Well, let’s get this over with.” With this, he cracked open the spine of the book he had been carrying and started to read from page 1. “Slime Mansion by R. L. Stine.”

And from there he launched into the most haunting story that I have ever heard. It was clear just from the first sentence, “Nothing ever good has happened at slime mansion, but plenty of bad sure has,” that this was Stine at his best. The way he writes is with such a carefree manner that one can hardly tell how meticulous these books are to create. In another vision I received from him back in August, he told me how it takes him thousands of hours just to complete one novel, but time moves more slowly for him, so that’s why it seems like he is always releasing books.

Regardless, the point is that the Goosebumps have been built from the ground up by the blood, sweat, and tears of the genius, R. L. Stine. Quite literally in fact, as some have reported finding teeth and various sinew within their novels, only to find later that the DNA matched that of the author. If only they had known, they could have made a pretty penny off of that.

The rest of the vision, after about chapter 5, is lost to me. I think he said something about how “all of his books are coming true” and “the slime mansion cannot become reality” because it “contradicts it’s own existence.” Whatever man, I’m trying to sleep here, not take an exam on blood rituals.

All that being said, I do believe that this was a vision that has an importance which I have not yet discovered. I will do what R .L. Stine has told me in a vision. And you can too. For just $19.99, R. L. Stine will come to you in a vision. You don’t get to know what the vision will be or when it will come, but you will get your money’s worth, that’s for sure.

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who loves that spooky Goosebumps dog from the show. Follow him on Twitter for more @NPEllwood.