(Springfield, MO) All my life, people have told me things and then expected me to believe them. What kind of nonsense is that? I can’t just trust you to be telling me the truth, you could be spinning me a web of lies. One such falsehood that I have discovered is truly ludicrous is that “you are what you eat.” First of all, obviously you are more than what you eat, otherwise we would have bigger stomachs. Obviously. And thirdly, if that’s the case, I don’t remember eating a crushing void, because that’s what I am. I will not rest until I figure out whether or not I accidentally ate a crushing void, because then I will believe anything you ever tell me.

So, first up, what did I eat today for lunch? I believe I had an avocado toast, medium rare and a glass of lactaid milk. Nothing about that seems particularly ominous. That is, unless the very concept of avocado toast, one mainly attributed to millennials, is simply a metaphor for the crushing void of student debt. No, that’s a bit too far fetched.

I’m trying to think of any risky meals I may have had lately. You know those meals where you’re like “it’s a new me, I’m trying something new” and so you order something that you aren’t sure how to pronounce and end up getting food poisoning because of course. However, none of my recent risky meals have involved anything void-ish that I can think of. That is, unless you count the crushing void of living a human life under the curse of Zantothar. But again, too far fetched.

No, what I’m thinking is that we are about to Mythbust this thing wide open. There is no way that I, famed young adult novelist Suzanne Collins, could have ever consumed a crushing void.

No, wait. I just understood. The crushing void was within me the whole time. I have always had this feeling within me that the world is going to end. That everything would not be ok. Unfortunately, the world continues to prove me wrong, but that crushing void is still within me. Each breath I take and each meal I eat is feeding a crushing void within me.

So I guess that old saying is like, half-right. 50/50 we’ll call it. Case closed.

Tʜiƨ ɒɿƚiɔlɘ(␚) wɒƨ wɿiƚƚɘn dy Nathan “The Void” Ellwood. ʇollow ʜim on ƚwiƚƚɘɿ @NPEllwood.