(Duluth, MN) Walk down the long hallway, turn left. Enter the atrium. Grab a snack. Leave the atrium. Walk down the long hallway. Go through the double doors. No, the other double doors. Walk down the long hallway. Walk down the long hallway. Walk down the long hallway.

You have arrived at your destination. Where have you been? You’ve been in a Null Zone and believe it or not, time has not passed you by. In fact, some believe that time spent in a Null Zone doesn’t count toward the aging process. How does that work within the context of a chronological timeline? Only the scholars know. All you need to know is that Null Zones are becoming the hot vacation trend this summer and you need to get on board now if you want your chance at getting the best bang for your buck.

Abandoned malls, airports, the strip of sidewalk between the bus stop and home, Null Zones can be found in a variety of times and places. They can last minutes, some can last hours, and few claim that they have even entered Null Zones that went on for weeks. When you are in a Null Zone, time feels as if it passes simultaneously at lightning speed as well as that of a snail at a track meet.

This is why Null Zones are becoming seen as an attractive option for summer vacationers looking to take advantage of this mistake of God. For, what else could explain places like my hometown mall, where I once felt as if I circled an Orange Julius for my entire seventh grade year?

Or the airport I was in last week where I learned both the most basics truths of the universe as well as it’s most hideous secrets, then forgot all of them because I tripped over a charging station and woke up in the hospital. Honestly one of the better vacations I’ve had in recent memory.

What I am saying is that we should not seek to understand Null Zones, as scientists would have us believe. Instead, we should trust completely in their chaos, in their unpredictability. This is where true oblivion lives. This is where Cozumel dreams to get to. This is ignorance and bliss wrapped together in one loving embrace.

Null Zones: Visit One Soon, Before You No Longer Have the Option to Choose. 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who spent a good few weeks in the Null Zone at the Moscow Airport recently and boy was it a terrifyingly wonderful experience. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.