Listen, I consider myself to be a considerate and patient person. I pay my taxes, I go to the farmer’s market, I even help paint the school each year after it burns down. And what do I have to show for it? Nothing. Zilch. Nada. My life has become a bottomless pit, a void. I see no path forward but to wander deep into the woods and scream at the sun in bold defiance of the one thing giving me and my world life. This is all that makes sense to me anymore, and honestly, if you don’t plan on joining me, you’re clearly not paying attention.

Where do I even begin? Let’s see. Well, first of all, have you been in a downtown metropolitan area recently? There are these scooters everywhere and everyone really loves to hate on them, even though scooters are obviously much better for the environment than every big ass truck driven for no real purpose other than to do it.

So yeah, just knowing the feuds that happen over something like that, it starts to rattle around in your brain. You start to feel like the walls are closing in. This is when you return to nature, to the deep wood. The forest envelopes you with her loving arms and you feel safe, truly safe. But then, from behind a cloud and through the dense coverage, the evil returns.

The sun! I thought we had rid of you. Curse you where ye stand. I hope that you have already exploded, even if only to know that I will live out a glorious 8 minutes in a world without you. I scream these things at the sun, the faithless ruin, and highly encourage you to do the same. People use to scream at the sun and other celestial beings all of the time back in the day, and they seemed to be more well adjusted. Well, not really, obviously, but there’s just something about the woods, you know?

When I’m in the deep wood, I have no wants. I have no fears. After a few minutes in that shaded paradise, especially when that bastard sun isn’t shining, my body begins to feel lighter, warmer, calmer. The air makes me feel like I can’t tell where it stops and I begin. Join me here. Join me in the deep wood. It’s the best thing you could do.

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who had fun doing it. Noice. Follow him @NPEllwood.