Our senior spooky corespondent Maggie McAlister is back again with another prophetic vision of the five sexiest Halloween costumes of the year. Prepare for your mind to be blown.
1. Sexy Exhausted Graduate Student
One of the scariest costumes of all! This costume takes a bit of prep in that you can’t wash your hair for as many days as it takes before it starts to look greasy. For some of you luck ones, this may be a week. For those of you like me, give it about 18 hours. Throw on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater, and carry around a reusable coffee cup. The best part about this costume? You can fall asleep wherever you go and pretend that it is just commitment to your costume, not actual exhaustion brought on by a heavy workload and the constant weight of existential dread.
2. Sexy Disappointing Your Parents
This is one of my personal favorites because it is SO versatile! Everyone’s parents are “not angry, they’re just disappointed” about different things, so just play up the thing that disappoints your parents the most! That could mean you show off that cute belly button ring you got in Cabo or you wear a I’m With Her! shirt. It’s really up to you; the possibilities are endless.
3. Sexy Cat
It’s a classic, y’all. Don’t knock it.
4. Sexy Sigmund Freud
There are two routes for this: One one hand, you lean into looking like Freud. Remember last year when I told y’all to get ready to raid your grandpa’s closet for your Sexy Walt Whitman costume? Well folks, do it again! Find some old suit pieces, and carry around a notepad. Ask really invasive questions of total strangers about their relationship with their mothers. On the other hand, you could wear a slip instead, still carrying around the notepad and getting all up in peoples’ business (get it? A Freudian slip?). Bonus points for putting a bit of flour under your nose.
5. Sexy Voter
This costume is in three parts: first, you have to make sure that you are registered to vote in your location. Check back and check back and check back – I’m not going to sugarcoat it y’all, America is Terrible ATM and people are just discovering that they have been dropped from the system. Second, dress up and celebrate Halloween on the day! Third, and most importantly, show up to your polling station on the day of the vote, and cast a ballot that supports human decency.
Again, this article was written by Maggie McAlister, who can make dreams come true, as long as they are very specific, almost excruciatingly so. Follow her here!