Are you tired of wearing the same old sexy nurse Halloween costume? Do you dream of something more vibrant and individual than being a sexy version of the year’s female blockbuster lead? Here at Eritas Daily, we decided that it was our duty, nay, our privilege to assist our readers with breaking out of the same old cycle of sexy costumes. So, without further ado, here are five of 2017’s most jaw-droppingly fetch looks:
Sexy Henry David Thoreau – Replicate the American writer’s look by raiding your great grandfather’s closet and making a neckbeard out of steel wool! Complete the costume by wandering about with a dreamy, far off look in your eyes, flinging beans at people and bemoaning the fact that no one will abandon all responsibility, family, and friends to come out to live with you in the woods.
Sexy Female True Crime/Comedy Podcaster – This costume is really quite simple. Just wear a black dress or sweatpants and carry around a box of wine. Spend the evening making jokes at the expense of oppressively patriarchal systems. Be amazing at all times. Looking to kick this costume up a notch? Bring your cuddliest cat companion with you!
Sexy Fedora – Bring all the ladies to the yard with this bold statement costume that says “I’m totally available for all your door-opening needs, but don’t forget that I know more than you and will slut shame you regardless of how this conversation ends!” While sequins are not required, they are most definitely suggested.
Sexy Gay Frog – This costume is relatively easy to pull off; according to the immortal InfoWars mogul, all one needs to do is drink water that has been contaminated by military-grade gay bombs! More totally legit information on where to acquire one of these gay bombs can be found on Wikipedia, for sure.
Sexy Emails – Really the easiest way to create this costume is by printing off however many emails your shape and size requires, then taping them to whatever outfit you’re wearing. However, another great way to pull this costume off is by going reverse trick-or-treating! All you need to do is wear a MAGA hat, some tight clothes, and when people come to the door to give you candy, you hand them a printed out email. Bonus points to those who do this while dressed up as a very sad looking Zodiac Killer.
These costumes were thought up by Maggie McAlister, who plans on dressing up as a witch this year. Again. And not even, like, a sexy witch? She’ll honestly probably just look like she’s trying to find the local Hot Topic. Give her directions to the nearest one via Twitter @madmaggs21.