If you’re like me, and I hope you are, there are certain tasks around the house that you enjoy doing, while there are some chores that make you want to pull your teeth out through your nose. Personally, I enjoy washing dishes but wouldn’t be caught dead with a vacuum. My husband can’t stand the sight of a feather duster but has no problem changing out the air filters. Each of us has a favorite and each of us has a task we loath, this is simply human nature. However, one chore that has been flying under the radar and, in my humble opinion, not been scrutinized enough by the greater world community, is laundry. Simply put, laundry is a lie and today I vow to issue it’s comeuppance.

First, for those of you already preemptively defending your love of laundry, let me get something out of the way right off the top. I know that you think that you love the way the warm clothes come out of the dryer and I’m sure that you think that there is nothing better than the sound of the washing machine’s buzzer, but you have been lied to. You are behind a veiled curtain and only when you open it will you find the light of knowledge shining upon you.

You see, Big Laundry wants you to think that laundry is one simple task so that you will continue to reflect on your time in the laundry room with glee. They have cemented this belief in our minds using advertising and situational comedies. But the truth is that laundry is 5 chores hiding in one.

First, there is carrying the laundry to the washing machine. This may seem simple, but if you don’t have in-unit machines, you may have to walk down to the lobby or even worse a laundromat. Then you have to load your clothes into the machine and press start. Again, not a huge deal, but the machines are getting more complicated and the extra brain energy means that we have to count it as an individual chore, not the sum of its parts. Plus, you have to wait like 75 minutes for the next part, so that’s more than enough time to do something else, which is another con of the Laundry Wizards.

Next, you have to move your stuff from the washer to the dryer, unless you are blessed enough to have a dual purpose machine. However, by this point you are thinking, “Oh boy, just another hour and I’ll be done with laundry!” But again you would be mistaken. Not only will you likely forget that your clothes are sitting unfolded in the dryer, but even if you do unload them there’s no way you are putting them all away right then. This is 2 entirely separate chores that just lump themselves in with laundry to not seem so bad.

So yeah, pardon me for exposing the truth about laundry and the lies of the corporations that benefit from this, but I couldn’t remain silent any longer. I only hope that you will heed my words and that we can get the word out before those Big Laundry goons catch me. It’s only a matter of time. For all of us.

And don’t even get me started on “doing the dishes.” Ugh!

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, you guessed it! Who would like to thank all of our contributors last week for giving me some time off from writing. If you want to write for Eritas, tweet @ me @NPEllwood or email us at EritasDaily@Gmail.com. Sweet.