Opinion: Dishes are the Laundry of the Kitchen


Lies lies LIES. It is all lies. Everything I have ever know or thought to have known has been erased because I can no longer trust my reality. OK, that might be a little bit of me being dramatic, but listen up, we need to talk about quote unquote “doing the dishes.” Just like it’s evil cousin “doing laundry,” this chore is so much more than it first appears and we need to have a talk about it. Yep, you and me, pal. Let’s dish.


Tell me, how many steps are there in doing the dishes? I’ll tell you, too damn many. First, you gotta cook stuff and actually use the dishes in your home. That’s a whole other thing that we don’t have time to get into. Next, you have to clear the stuff off the plates, wash each of utensils and dishes off with a sponge, then put them in the dishwasher. So, that’s already like 4 things and we are just getting started.


Next, you put some soap or whatever into the thing in the door. I never claimed to be an expert. A couple of days later, depending on your machine, you have to take the dishes out of the washer and put them away in cabinets. Cabinets! This is the final and worst part. Actually, that’s not true, the worst part is doing it all again tomorrow. That is, unless you don’t plan on eating.


Doesn’t it just make you want to scream? People say millennials hate adulting but I think millennials just hate doing extra work that should have been solved by some sort of robot or on-demand start-up company by now. Instead of buying into the lies of advertising, we are just being honest about what we want. And I want a simplified dish-washing process. Get on it, Google. No, that’s more of an Amazon thing. Just ship it to me when you’re done, you already have all my information.


I am tired of doing laundry and I am tired of doing this dishes, but isn’t everyone? Maybe we should try our best as a society to remove the larger worries from our daily lives so that when it comes to household chores we might actually have some energy left. Instead, we end up dreading every moment of our days before we get the sweet release of dreams, but even those are a coin toss. What I am saying is that need to focus on building more house cleaning robots and maybe we would live in a better world.


Is that what I’m saying? Even I don’t remember any more. Just, just help me with these dishes, OK?





This was written by the scorpion king himself, Nathan Ellwood. Follow him @NPEllwood.


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