(In an Airplane Over the Sea) Another week, another business trip. This time, you’re off to visit London to see what Stacy knows about tax benefits, but before that, you have a lengthly flight in front of you. As a regular traveler, you have almost exhausted every single pre-loaded movie in the seat-back device. And then the movies remaining are so boring sounding that they aren’t even worth watching on a plane, which is probably why so many of them turn out to be fake. However, there are some true standards that are always worth putting on. Your personal favorite is where the edited villain holds up his gun and tells the protagonist he is going to ‘fun you up.’
There are lots of reasons why you love this movie, but the most obvious and important one is these insane choices for swapping out profane language that airlines employ. The more you watch it, the more you get used to this bizarre vocabulary that no one except parents trying cover their ads with kids around employ. And unlike in Fantastic Mr. Fox, it’s not done with any awareness of itself or hint of wit.
For instance, in one scene of this very same movie, the unhelpful yet hilarious comic relief of the film is trying to explain something to do with the toilet and the word ‘shit’ is replace with ‘short sleeve shirt.’ It doesn’t even make sense in context, plus it is so much longer than the actual word he says that it cuts off the beginning of his next sentence. What a loon the people behind this are, absolute loons.
Personally, I think it would be wonderful if production companies allowed you to dub over movies with your own bleeps. I would love to throw in a few personal jokes and references to really spice up the experience for myself and my friends. And in the case of watching it on a flight, I could do it on the fly. Talk about a way to keep yourself entertained for the hours and hours it will take you to get to your final destination. Plus, you might be able to save your copy of it for laughs later.
Ultimately, this unique art form will only be appreciated by those of us who are bored enough to scroll through and watch every movie available. But if you think about it, the people we need to be converting from the business world to comedy are the exact people who fly as much as I do. Otherwise, we might be lost for good.
Wouldn’t want that now, would we?
This was written by Nathan Ellwood who ate the last Oreo but will not be apologizing for it. Follow him @NPEllwood.