Hello there, my fellow Americans. My name is Pete Buttigieg, but if my marketing team’s strategy is working, you likely know me simply as Mayor Pete. If you don’t already know, I am running for the office of the President of the United States of America and I’m not ashamed to admit it. So far, I believe we have made great strides both in terms of our campaign and reminding people that being a mayor is in fact still a thing. However, today I am coming to you with a simple and humble request. I am asking you to put aside your partisan ideals and please, for the love of God, please stop calling me ‘Baby Grinch.’
It might just be a meme to you, it might just be in jest, I’m trying to take an optimistic approach here. But when you write my social media team on Twitter and tell the world that I look like that green Ron Howard abomination, I have no choice but to stand up for myself. I do not resemble this nightmare baby and it hurts me to my very bones that I even need to tell you this.
For critics who might say that I have too thin of skin to be president, I hope you think back on a time in your own life where you were ridiculed and wonder how you would respond to someone telling you that you look like a factory reject. Trust me, I’m no stranger to adversity and bullying, but I know that the one who points the finger is most often the true victim. I am simply asking that we elevate our discussion beyond name calling and bullying, something a certain orange tater tot would do.
All I am asking is that you take a minute to think about why you are using your valuable time to make fun of me on Twitter and Tik Tok. Couldn’t you be doing something more productive? Plus, isn’t this what got us here in the first place?
Instead, use that time to research my platform, my goals for this country, and how cute my husband and I are. I’m sure if you got to know me, you would know that I am nothing like this baby fiend you so desperately want the world to see me as. I am a man, I am an American, and I want your vote next November. All I ask is that we leave baby grinch behind and move forward in togetherness. Would that be so hard?
Please go back to calling me Mayo Pete and Baby Grinch and please stop analyzing my platform. Make fun of me all you want, just please stop bringing up the wine cave. I’m begging you.