(Somewhere in New Hampshire) Over the last few months, a certain former Indiana mayor has been making headlines with his surprising presidential run and attempts to reach out to the American people. While some are on board with #TeamPete, others are wary of someone with such little practical experience running for the highest office in the land. However, in the last week, polling has slumped and vicious attacks have been hurled at Pete from all sides, leading the presidential hopeful to consider his options. Now, according to sources close to Buttigieg, there might be another option for Pete. We can’t confirm this, but we have heard that he is considering dropping out to star in the live-action reboot of Fievel Goes West.
Yes, we understand you have questions. Let us do our best to try and catch you up.
First question that comes to mind might be, “Isn’t Fievel Goes West a sequel? Seems weird to start off with the 2nd of a series, no?” Which is fair. So far we don’t have an answer to this, but we can only assume that the producers of this project read my scathing review of the original An American Tail that I wrote in my diary as a seven-year-old and decided to get directly to what the people want.
Your next question might be, “Why on Earth would Buttigieg do this?” Another good question. As we said earlier, Pete is all about reaching out to the American people. And what better way to get in front of as many people as possible than staring in a loved child’s film being gutted and remade to keep the money pouring in? That sounds right up Buttigieg’s alley to me. Plus, he could fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a mouse.
Thirdly question, “Who decided to make a live-action Fievel Goes West?” Listen, it was only a matter of time. Everything gets remade and remade until the sun explodes, that’s just the way capitalism works. Want a better system? Try another dimension pal, because we’re all stuck here for forever.
Finally, “Will I go see this movie?” That’s up to you, but for us, the answer is a resounding ‘Hell yeah.’ Imagine Cats but 20x worse and with washed-up Mayor Pete. Sounds incredible.
An American tail, indeed. I’m psyched.