How to Start Investing in a Future Apocalypse Today

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Are you afraid? Are you concerned about our rapidly changing world, unsure what will come in 1 week, 1 month, 1 year? Are you worried about keeping you and your family safe when things start to hit the fan? Have you ever found yourself waking up in the night from a nightmare so real you can’t shake the feeling it meant something? If you answered yes to any of these questions, we have the perfect investment opportunity for you! Why not cash in on all that anxiety by doing what you already do all the time and plan for the worst? Today I’m going to teach you how to invest in a future apocalypse so you can finally put all that worrying to good use.

 

This project all began when I realized that the one thing I am most worried about when it comes to a society-ending event is financial stability. Sure, money might not be a thing anymore, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be things with value worth holding onto. Which brings us to step one.

 

Step One: Diversify your Apocalypse Portfolio. 

Since no one can be sure exactly what kind of apocalypse is coming, there are safer bets than others. We recommend researching 5 likely scenarios and investing in at least 3 companies that would be heavily involved in them. This means right off the bat you are ready for 15 possible outcomes. Don’t you feel better already?

 

This brings us to the second step in our program, something everyone should already have been doing but few have actually taken the plunge.

 

Step Two: Invest in Apocalypse Insurance. 

If you don’t already know, apocalypse insurance is one of the hottest new products on the market since sliced bread. Unsure of where to get it? Don’t worry, a gruff bearded white man will soon visit you to explain everything.

 

Which, surprisingly enough, brings us to our final step. Yes, it’s a quick program, but trust us, it’s foolproof and will have you swimming in a pit of money as the final asteroid hits. But isn’t that the American Dream?

 

Step Three: Unlearn Empathy. 

When the walls begin to fall and the world we once knew is no longer recognizable, you will find yourself standing at the top of the food chain because you planned accordingly. Unfortunately, for a food chain to exist, there has to be species (or people) at the bottom. And unless you plan on giving up your new place in the hierarchy for the bonds that bring us together as humans, you better unlearn empathy as soon as you can. Without empathy, nothing can stop you!

 

Are you afraid? By this point, you definitely should be. Start investing now to turn that fear into cold hard cash.

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