(Unknown location, California) Let’s admit it, the last few weeks have been stressful. Personally, my hair has gone the route of other perpetually stressed individuals like Doc from Back to the Future and Barack Obama, in that it has gone gray in an extremely quick period. However, the one thing that has been keeping me going through this entire crisis has been knowing that there are real life heroes out there that are working hard to keep us all safe. No, I’m not talking about doctors, nurses, or service industry workers, I’m obviously talking about billionaires. And now my hope has been rewarded as Elon Musk has officially decided to lend the concept of help to fight Covid-19.
I knew this would happen. I knew that the richest people in the world wouldn’t sit back and let the rest of us starve. I knew they would save us. Otherwise, what was all of their money for?
In the press conference where he announced his intention to help out, Musk had this to say. “We are humans and this is our Earth. Right now, a tough challenge is facing us, but we will rise to meet it like we have before. I am dedicating myself and my thoughts to trying to solve this crisis and return us all to normal. I’ve instructed my companies to be ready at a moment’s notice to help out. I’ll even go so far as to say that Grimes, my lovely partner, will even consider lending out her clone to help out. That is the level of commitment we have to the concept of lending a hand.”
When asked for more information or some sort of explanation, the Tesla CEO continued, “As someone who has faced tough challenge after tough challenge, I know what must be done. I think back to my childhood as the son of a humble emerald farmer and think how much more difficult life would have been if I didn’t have the scrappy personality I have. Because of me, myself, and no one else, I was able to make my way in the world. I want to give that opportunity to others and am very close to making that a reality.”
“How soon will help be on it’s way?” one reporter asked. They were soon removed, but not before Musk was able to give them an answer.
“We all have a capacity to help,” he said while motioning to his security and pointing at said reporter. “I believe in this concept. Helping, that is. I think that the more people know about helping, the more people will be inspired to take action. Personally, I didn’t know about the concept of helping others until a few weeks ago and I am still trying to wrap my head around it. But I’m a slow learner, I’m sure others will pick it up right away.”
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” the billionaire concluded while climbing into his cybertruck. “I need to get back to my bunker – I mean home – to see my partner and see if I’ve missed any tweets. Adios!”
And with that, he was gone. Will help come? Who’s to say. But at least we all now have a better understanding of the concept of helping out, whatever that is worth.